i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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