I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
