he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
