farters have to be the big spoon...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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