its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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