just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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