Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
