As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
