just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
