The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize