in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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