cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
