Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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