I accidentally had phone sex last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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