he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
