So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
