You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
