she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
