Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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