I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
