What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
