you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
