I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
