This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize