We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
