yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
