Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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