There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
