Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
