I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize