The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
