I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
