We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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