Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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