Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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