Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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