and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
