So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize