Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
