We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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