Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
