best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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