there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
