My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
