Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
