just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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