I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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