the new term for farting is butt boxing.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
