Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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