my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
