i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize