WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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