Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
