You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
