I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
