I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hippo gnu deer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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