I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
