but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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