ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
