thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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