i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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