I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
