I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
