R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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