In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
