Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize