My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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