I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
