omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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