i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
