i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
