ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
