im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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