It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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