I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
