ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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