Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The best revenge is premature balding
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
