He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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