drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
