does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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