She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just google imaged poop.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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