I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
