I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
someone owes me an orgasm
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
