My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
