either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
