i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
