**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
