now i know why i became what i already was.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
