I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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