...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize